When we have a baby, we go through excruciating pain. Sometimes indescribable pain. And yet, we’d go through it a million times just to hold our babies all over again. I’ve had two beautiful baby girls. Each scar a little different. Each scar tells a different story. A story of how they came into this world. Lucky for me, I get to carry that story for the rest of my life.
The scars of a mother are unlike anything else. We would do anything for our babies. Every single scar, every single late night, every single frusteration is worth it.
Every baby I birth leaves another scar. I get cut open, one more time. I bleed for weeks one more time. I’m in pain for weeks, months even, one more time. But every single time I go through this I’m reminded of what my duty here on earth is.
A mother would move mountains for her baby. She would kill if she had to, for her baby. Every single time she looks at her baby her heart grows a little bit bigger. I don’t think I truly knew what love was till I became a mother myself.
No, my body is not ideal. I wish I didn’t have all the marks I have all over my stomach but everyday when I get dressed in front of the mirror I am reminded of why I do what I do. If I can’t give my life for my babies at least I can carry their scars.
I guess you can say when you become a mother and are holding your baby or watching them walk for the first time it’s like holding your heart in your arms or watching your heart walk away right out of your chest.
On days when I feel like I’m failing as a mother, Hayven climbs on my lap and gives me a hug and tells me she loves me. That, that is when I know I’m okay. That’s when I know even when I want to scream and rip my hair out that I’m doing the right thing.
Our kids love us no matter what we look like, no matter how mad we get at them they still love us, unconditionally.
It doesn’t matter how old we get we truly never stop loving our mothers. That’s why they say to, love like a child…
I’m here to tell you, it’s okay to scream, it’s okay to cry or lock yourself in the bathroom. You don’t think people get frustrated at their 9-5 job and want to scream? We have a 24/7 job, we are bound to fall apart one day. It’s crazy how even the tiny human that made you lose your mind is also the tiny human that makes everything okay.
No mother is perfect, even if that’s what they make you believe. Everyday we question our sanity. (If you say you don’t, you’re lying!) even all those perfect instagram pictures are lies.
Somewhere in the midst of all this frustration I got blessed with another little girl. Her time here on earth was limited because she was to perfect. The first time I held that angel in my arms I thought I could never love another human the way I love Hayven. But I did. I loved that tiny, perfectly imperfect human I just had my stomach ripped open for. I loved her so much I held her for two days straight. When I had to put her down to go to the bathroom I had anxiety for leaving her. I would hurry as fast as I could and pick her up as soon as I was done. She stayed put in my arms for two whole days. We took naps together (okay, I blinked & that was my nap. Who sleeps when their scared?) I told her stories, I sang her songs, I told her I loved her. Over and over again. Because, that’s what moms do. They love their babies.
I truly thought having Hayven in the NICU for 4 weeks was the most stressful of my life. I was wrong. Those 3 days in the hospital with Holland definitely topped that.
There is no doubt in my crazy mind that my kids know I love them. Every time Hayven gets hurt, even if I’m the one that accidentally hurt her who does she go to? Me.
Like I’ve mentioned before,
A mothers love is like no other.
A struggling mother