Missing you, like a lot. 

Have you ever missed someone so much it physically and emotionally hurts? Like when you break up with your boyfriend and you just miss their presence and want to be with them? But lucky for you, you eventually move on and meet someone even better. 

I’m to the point where I can’t even think about my grandpa because it doesn’t seem like he should be gone. I’m still suppose to be little, having sleepovers at his house every weekend and looking for the “monster” in his tree that only came out at night time to protect us while we slept on the tramp and no matter how hard we looked we could never find it because only he could see it. 

I miss his smart elic comments he always made. I miss his contagious smile. I miss the way he laughed or rolled his eyes every time someone said something inappropriate or the way he always shook his head, almost in disappointment because of something you did or said. I miss his hugs and feeling his back bone because he was so skinny. I miss his slobbery kisses he always gave. But most importantly, I miss him. Like, so much. 

I can truly tell you that you never know what you have till it’s gone. I wish I could call him one more time just to hear his scratchy voice. 

If you are ever contemplating on visiting someone. Do it. Haven’t talked to your parents today? Call them. Your sick aunt Susan? How’s she doing today? 

One day you’ll blink and 6 weeks have already gone by and you can’t even believe it. So please, make that call, take that drive or send that message. 

When someone so close to you dies and you are grieving all you can feel is guilt. Did I see him enough? Did he know how much I loved him? Did I check on him enough? How will I ever get that time back? 

With Holland I don’t feel as much guilt as I do hurt. I feel her every single day. I know she is here. She is showing signs of that every single day. 

There’s a lot of crazy and exciting things happening in mine and Rileys life and at times we feel a little stressed or worried about something and it seems something else comes along and takes the burden off our shoulders. It’s absolutely crazy to me. It’s happened on multiple occasions. 

I feel so blessed and humbled to have been able to meet and hold my angel and be so close to my grandpa. In times like this I have never felt closer to god and because of that my life has been enriched. 

I’m so glad my parents stayed around so they were able to stay so close to my grandparents. It taught me that I don’t ever want to move away from mine. 

When my parents pass {god help me that doesn’t happen for a very long time} I want my children to be able to tell stories about them like we can for our grandparents. I am so blessed to have that bond with them. 

In the passed week I have felt nothing but love and appreciation from each and everyone of you. You have all helped me at my lowest, made me feel strong in my weakest and loved in the most hardest time of my life. 

So so so grateful for everyone that has read my story and has felt my pain through my words.

 If you see me in the store, come say hi. I know there’s not words that anyone can say because there’s not much to say but I am more than happy to talk or give you a hug. 😉 I’m just trying to break the awkward stares 😜 

{I know this blog has been all about my journey and it definitely hasn’t ended yet. I cannot wait to share with you everything exciting we are doing soon!} 



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