Welcome to the world Holland Rhaye! 

Sunday February 19, 2017

Started off just like any other day. I woke up needing to pee {like usual} and miss Hayven hollers “momma” to come get her out of bed. (She sleeps in a queen bed but she still makes me get her out of bed.)

I have been so tired all week I decided to start some coffee to get me going because I wanted to get the house cleaned as we were planning on having the baby this week and I needed everything ready!

We ate breakfast, I got the dishes washed and loaded in the dishwasher, laundry was going and I cleaned up the living room and scrubbed down the bathroom. Riley finally woke up and we planned on heading to Richfield soon to run a few errands and let Riley “pre bowl” for his bowling league as we wouldn’t be in town on Thursday for his game.

I decided I’d take Hayven to the arcade while Riley bowled to spend some time with her before sister got here. When we finished at the arcade we snuck over to see my grandpa at the hospital.

I had been having pretty strong contractions all week and I haven’t felt any today and it made me worry a little as baby just didn’t seem very active and I’m sure I over did it today with the cleaning and running everywhere so when we got home I decided to shower and just rest the rest of the night.

Hayven had a late nap today which means late bed time. (Wahhhhh)

We all go snuggled up on the couch and started a movie. By the time I sat down I was completely EXHAUSTED.

I looked at the clock it was 10:36 pm and I laid my head down on Rileys lap and instantly fell asleep.

Twenty minutes later I felt something weird and shot up and ran to the other side of the living room off the rug and water went everywhere! Riley shot up, in complete and utter shock, “what happened? Are you okay?” “My water just broke.” “Are you serious?” Honestly, I had no idea where it was coming from or if I peed my pants but it was ALOT and it was everywhere.

I called my mom at 11:06 pm and told her my water just broke and she said, “okay, I’m on my way!”

I stood there in complete and utter shock not even knowing what the hell was happening. I literally just read online that only 15% of women’s water break and hello I’m only 37 weeks pregnant and so far from ready for this baby to be here!

Riley was running around like a chicken with his head chopped off trying to grab all the bags and through a towel at me for all the water on the floor. Running back and forth, up and down the stairs freaking out. He called the hospital and told them we were on our way. They know exactly who we were and what was happening with our baby and were ready! Riley yelled,  “grab the blanket to cover up and get in the car! I have hayven! Hurry!” “I need pants.” I replied. “What?! Where are they?! Just go like that! Grab the blanket!” “I need my pants” “they are by the bathroom” he runs and grabs my sweats and puts them on over my now soaked legs and butt.

Wobbled my way to the car, hopped in and we booked it to the hospital. Luckily only a few blocks away!

I was so nervous, you know when your nerves are shot and you feel like you need to poop your stomach just hurts? Yeah that was me.

We finally got checked in and got that baby on a monitor! No contractions and her heart sounded perfect! (I wonder if they could see my cramping stomach from my nerves and needing to poop on the monitor? Hmmm)

Water literally just kept leaking out of me like pee. I couldn’t believe how much just kept coming out with me laying there.

The doctor came in and told us that we could drive ourselves up north because I wasn’t dilated or have the ambulance take me. We just drove ourselves. I felt more comfortable having Riley with me through this and plus ambulances suck!

Riley called his parents to let them know what was going on and they would be right behind us!

Monday, February 20 2017

We drove to Provo, and arrived about 1:30 am at the hospital and got all checked in and hooked up. To say that we weren’t scared would be an understatement. I started feeling contractions but they definitely weren’t strong enough to dilate me.

The nurse checked me and my cervix was still closed so she called the doctor on call, he arrived shortly after and said, “you aren’t having strong contractions, and we just talked Friday about having baby Thursday, and you’re full term so there’s no point in waiting.”

My adrenaline was going so bad I was shaking, my teeth were chattering and tears were flowing.

This is not happening. I am not ready for this. I don’t even know what’s going to happen.

How does someone, even though you have prepared for weeks for this moment not be completely scared out of your mind?

What if she doesn’t cry when she’s born? What if she doesn’t survive birth? What if she’s to small? Will I even get to hold her? How long is she going to survive? I can’t even handle this.

The doctor checked her to see if she was breech still. As she has been this whole pregnancy and she was head down!

He offered to induce me but we already had a plan in place. I’m kind of weird, I am scared to death of labor. Even though a c section is probably scarier I really am scared to go into labor. (Don’t judge me haha)

We opted for the c section and they got the OR prepped.

Tears at this point are just coming down. I can’t even stop my teeth from chattering.

Rileys parents showed up soon after us and were there the whole time!

The anesthesiologist came in to talk to me about the spinal block and they got me wheeled right into the OR which was right across from my room.

I got onto the OR bed and leaned forward on the opposite side of the anesthesiologist and he rubbed a bunch of stuff on my back and shortly after stabbed me in the back with a giant needle.

I laid down on the bed and not ten minutes later my whole body started to go numb. They turned on the heater because for some reason you freeze your ass off when you have a c section.

They got the curtain put up and the nurse gave me a nice shave over my last scar before they started to operate.

Soon after they began the procedure. I was having such a hard time staying awake. It was about 4 am and I still have not got any sleep.

At 4:30 am they pulled her out. “She’s here!” I heard no cry and they rushed her to the back. Riley followed right behind her.

Our birth plan was no intubation. We didn’t want to be the ones to have to “pull the plug” on her. That’s honestly how we felt about it. We didn’t want tubes down her throat (how uncomfortable is that?) we wanted her to be comfortable her whole life. We absolutely were okay with oxygen though!!

They tried for about 6 minutes and oxygen wasn’t doing anything she just wasn’t going to make it. So Riley told them “okay we just need to take her into Tasia so Tasia can hold her and see her.”

They brought my teeny tiny little baby into me and put her right on my chest. Oh she was PERFECT. Tiny little thing I thought she weighed a pound. She was trying so hard to cry, just squeeling so quietly and trying to talk to me. It was the sweetest thing.

After a minute or so they asked us what we wanted to do. Riley told them, “lets go try again.” They tried once and the oxygen worked! She was fighting! She is going to make it! She just needed her momma. She just needed me.

3 pounds 4.7 ounces 16″ long. She was here! She was alive! An overwhelming amount of relief flushed through me.

Riley stayed with her the whole time and his mom stayed with me in recovery while Riley sent me pictures of baby. She looked just like Hayven. Dark skin and skinny long legs.

After a few hours they finally moved me to mother baby but I made sure they took me through the NICU in my bed to see my baby. I fell in love instantly.

She had a CPAP on so I could barely see her face but what I could see she was flawless. She was mine. They handed her to me and I just snuggled her for as long as they’d let me.




I got to my room and waited about an hour till I could feel my feet good enough to sit up and get into a wheel chair so I could go love on her more.

They did another echo on her heart to see what was going on and rule out some of our options.

The results from that were nothing like we expected. We had to make a couple tough decisions that impacted our whole life. But we are at peace with our decisions. We did what we thought was very best for our baby girl. We put her needs before our own.

I will go into more detail on the next blog.

Xoxo

Tasia

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