January 17, 2017

Its been two weeks since we had our amniocentesis test done and we were just waiting for the last results from that test. They would include how it happened, if it was just a fluke or if this is something that one of us carry and can pass it on to our future children.

It was in the afternoon and I got a “no caller id’ phone call and I knew exactly who it was. “Hi Tasia, this is Lauren the genetic specialist here in Murray with the second set of results of your amnio. Would now be a good time to share those with you?”

Honestly, I was so scared to even hear these results because everything happening in my life right now seemed to be going wrong and I just wasn’t ready for another let down.

“Well this test did confirm she got an extra chromosome but it did not confirm if it came from the sperm or the egg.” “So the chances of your next baby having downs are very slim. About .5%.”

OH MY GOSH. LITERALLY BURDEN LIFTED OFF MY SHOULDERS. I was seriously thinking that maybe one of us carried the gene. This honest to god made my night. Like maybe I can actually have another healthy baby.

I was curious if the heart was part of the Trisomy or if she just had a heart problem since that is the only thing they seemed to find wrong with her. (Well, that I know of. If they know more they haven’t shared it.)

She said the heart problem was caused by the Trisomy so just back to statistics our next baby shouldn’t have heart problems. (Unless we have a lot of heart problems in our family) (knock on wood)

Before I had children I always wanted 4 kids but being pregnant a second time, although a pretty easy pregnancy with hardly no morning sickness I was okay with two girls and be done.

That has all changed now. When we first found out about all of this I said I am done having kids. I can’t go through this again. No way, no how.

We have honestly talked about adoption because the thought of Hayven not having a sibling KILLS ME. If I had a million dollars I’d adopt all the kids I could just so they can have a home filled with love and that they’d never feel alone.

January 26, 2017

Thats todays date. Tomorrow we have 2 doctors appointments up north one in Salt Lake at the cardiologist and one in Provo at the maternal fetal medicine specialist. And I’m really hoping we get more answers or help in trying to decide what the hell we are going to do after she’s here.

At this point in time it’s so easy for me to say “I don’t want her to suffer an ounce of pain. I want her to rest easy and go when she’s ready” BUT I know as soon as I meet her and hold her in my arms it will all change. I love her so much now but as soon as I see her sweet face I’m gonna be like “save her, do everything you can. I cant let her go.”

I really want to see what the cardiologists say about her heart. I know we don’t know a lot till she is actually here but I need some kind of plan. I am 34 weeks tomorrow and I am just soooo happy she has made it this far. She has been such a fighter and so strong.

That’s why I feel like I need to fight for her. But I just don’t want her to suffer her whole life and that’s what will happen. Like shit, this is so damn hard. I don’t know what to do.

I have made it all week without crying but now thinking about it all I’m sobbing as I type this. I just need to see the future so I know what to plan for.

 

 

I sincerely appreciate everyone who takes the time to read my posts. Every single time I post I hesitate pushing the “publish” button. When I do I almost go back and delete it every time because I don’t know if I want to share that with anyone. I sit and stress about it for an hour if I should post it or not. So, thank you to those who have left sweet comments and left me with feedback. I don’t want to feel like I’m doing all this for nothing. 

I will try and get my doctors appointments up on the blog this weekend. It might be two separate blog posts if its long. Love you all.

xoxo

-mrsmommaduncan