Spiritual side of things šŸ’•

I know, you’re like “what could she possibly be sharing now?” “She has already shared everything with us.” But just wait!

Guys. This is the craziest thing. And to be completely honest it has comforted me so much. Some of what I’m about to share with you MAY have been shared before in older blogs but I am going into more detail then ever. 

You know how I always say I’ve never felt closer to god after Holland? Its the weirdest thing because I still feel that way. 

Yesterday my sweet aunt came over and we just got talking everything {she’s basically my favorite person ever.} She’s one of those “spiritually connected” kind of people and I love talking to her about everything! I always felt like she was some kind of psychic. Somehow she always just knows when someone needs something. She sees things when she lets herself. 

I don’t think I shared this on the blog before but if I have… sorry. 

The day before my grandpas funeral {February 26th} my aunt kept having dreams that the chairs at the cemetery were on the wrong side of the casket. She was freaking out in her sleep “no no that’s all wrong!” And would wake herself up. She fell asleep and it happened again. This time she saw my grandpa & Holland standing “floating” in the corner off to the side of the casket. (I might cry writing this)

In her “dream/vision”, My grandpa was wearing what we had him dressed in at the funeral. My dad got him a belt buckle that had his cattle sign on it and she saw that! She told me, “he was younger, he stood straight up and was so tall!” She said, “I knew it was Holland standing next to him, right at his shoulders. She had a long white dress on.” {exactly what I burried her in. A long white dress}

The next morning we showed up at the cemetery for the funeral and guess where the chairs were? On the side she had dreamed up. Not the side she had planned. Guess where I ended up standing during the funeral? Right where Holland was in her dream. (I didn’t even know about her dream till weeks after the funeral) I was standing with my baby at her papas funeral. She was next to me. {probably taller than me šŸ˜‰}  of all the places to stand that’s where we stood. 

Now, before I share all my spiritual beliefs and I guess “religion” in a way. I just need you to know that these are MY beliefs. This is what I have been taught. You don’t have to agree with me. 

Talking with my aunt yesterday I learned a few things that really intrigued me and honestly I can’t wait to share them! 

Did you know when you die {even babies} you go to heaven in your most perfect age? Like I mentioned above, my grandpa was younger, thinner, and taller. Holland was older. {clearly a baby isn’t going to stand next to him and be clear to his shoulder šŸ˜‰} 

I KNOW in my heart that those two needed each other. I KNOW my grandpa suffered for MONTHS waiting for Holland. He should have passed the week they took him in. Instead, he was miserable and held on. 

I remember when we would go visit my grandpa at the hospital and he would be “sleeping” and just mumble a bunch of crap nobody understood. We were always like, “what grandpa? Do you need anything?” But his mumbles kept going. 

Did you also know in heaven there is a whole other language? So everyone understands everyone. Listening to my grandpa mumble a bunch of gibberish makes sense now. He wasnt talking to us. He was talking to them. 

He was SO close to the veil. It was incredible. Yes, yes, of course it was the absolute Most devastating thing to watch my grandpa slowly leave us. But sitting back now, it had to be the most beautiful, spiritual experience of my life. Here he is “sleeping” and all of a sudden his whole face lights up with a huge toothless grin as he follows the room around and says “not now dad. It’s not time yet.” WHY was it not time? You are suffering… 

Holland wasn’t here yet. She came her to get him and go back. She needed her body. 

I used to ask myself why? Why me? Why this? Of all the trials I could have gone through why this particular one? 

How selfish would I be if I made Holland fight? {she fought her very hardest for two days} My grandpa fought for months for HER. He needed to wait for HER. How could I take that away? How could I not let her go with him. That is the most selfless thing I have and probably will ever do. 

I put my Childs needs before my own. Of course I NEED her. But so did he. That is EXACTLY why god gave her to ME. He knew I would follow his plan. He knew I’d survive it and we would be okay. I have no problem falling pregnant so I will always have more babies. I gave mine away for my grandpa. After she was born he was risen. After he had risen, Holland grew her wings. {I’m not saying my grandpa is god. But just like god, he suffered for us.} 

Holland is at the very top of gods kingdom helping my grandpa, so that maybe one day he will be there too. 

Every single thing played out the way it was suppose to. It was like a huge puzzle as my aunt called it. Everything fell into place like it was suppose to. All the people that were there were suppose to be. It really was a giant masterpiece in the making. This HAD to be planned. 

God loves ME this much he sent me an angel. Like how many people get that? {that doesn’t mean god doesn’t love you. That is not at all what I mean.} he loved me so so much he gave his hardest battle to his strongest soldier. 

My aunt shared with me when she went to my grandpas house before he was put into the hospital she could smell his body odor.. like a musty type smell. One day she started smelling him after he had passed and asked herself “why am I smelling him right now?” So she called my grandma and my grandma broke down. She had a terrible night and needed someone. Without saying anything my grandpa told my aunt to call his wife. To check on her. He’s gone but he’s still taking care of her. Is this not the sweetest? This is exactly the “psychicy” thing I was talking about with my aunt! She just knows. 

God truly, truly, hears your prayers, he feels your pain, and if you will let him in he will answer your prayers. It’s not something you “listen for” it’s something you feel. Something that makes you just know what’s right. 

I know so many of my friends have lost loved ones and it is the hardest thing to go through! Watching and hearing them struggle is AWFUL. 

But, I want you to know, they are happy. They are at peace. Heaven is so beautiful. I’m a little jealous of it actually.

I’m so jealous that my grandpa and Holland get to be together. I can’t wait for that day! {yes, I will wait but it’s almost exciting to think about being reunited with them again} 

Think of all the people, the animals just everything they get to be with when they’re gone? We are hurting so much, I know. But they are so happy and healthy. Something we always dream of for our loved ones. Now they have it.

I wanted to share somethings with you that touched my heart so much. 

We are down SIX family members this year. SIX. In less than one year! Like, have we not had enough? šŸ™„ 

My hopes for every single person that is missing a loved one right now is to know that, god needed them for his army. {he’s building a pretty great army right now!} he had duties to fulfill and lucky for him he only takes the best! 

They are ALWAYS there with you. We may not know it. But they are. They love you just like we love them. 


-feedback is appreciated šŸ˜˜

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