When life throws you lemons and knocks you down, you pick those babies up and make yourself some fresh lemonade.

I recently came across an article that really just hit the nail right on the head and I wanted to share with you how I have overcome this trial and how I’m not letting it consume my life.

I remember when I first found out of Hollands diagnosis I was soo angry at god. I just couldn’t even keep myself together. I would cry every single day. I would ask him “Why are you doing this to me?” “How am I suppose to bury my daughter?” “How will I survive this?” I mean I just did not understand. Now, don’t get me wrong I am not a very religious person but I do believe in god.

When people have miscarriages it usually is not from something the mom did or didn’t do. It is solely because something was wrong with the baby and I just like to say they were just to perfect for this earth. I used to say I wish I would of just had a miscarriage because it would have been easier (it may have been but I do not think that anymore.)

We become a mom as soon as we pee on a stick and that line says + positive. We don’t become a mom after the babies born. Sure, it becomes reality but thats not when you become a mom. As soon as you realize you’re pregnant you change everything. You stop drinking, smoking, etc and you start taking vitamins for the baby. You start putting the baby first and thats what moms do. They put their babies first. Even if the baby passes, you are still a mom. You still loved them.

Each and everyone of us face trials and difficulties in this life that will overwhelm us at times. During those times, we need to remember that we can grow from them. “God allows bad things to happen to good people to make those good people great. Our trials and heart ache are not because god is punishing us. The truth is, these hardships allow us to better trust in god and learn his will for us. If we turn our will over to god we will become better through this trial. If we do not we will become consumed by them.” -source unknown (LDS living)

When I read this it had truly made me understand how  I am feeling and how I have dealt with this. I have mentioned before that we can choose to make our trials and difficulties better or make us bitter. It was never hard for me to choose to believe things this way. I chose to know that god doesn’t hate me and that everything happens for a reason. I chose to let this trial teach me instead of break me.

I personally do not know what it is like to miscarry but I do know what it is like to lose a child. The pain and heartache are very similar the only difference is, I got to physically meet my baby before she had to go. I got to feel her for 9 months. Every kick, every hiccup up and every karate chop to the bladder I got to feel. People that miscarry usually don’t get to experience that. So in their view it must have been harder for me.

You all might think I’m crazy by now but I wouldn’t trade those 48 hours for anything in this world. I am so glad I got to meet her, I got to hold her, and I got to feel her. From this point of view a miscarriage seems harder to me.

“The death of a child may be hard, but it is simply a transition from one form of existence to another.” -(LDS living) I may not be with Holland physically but I know I can be spiritually if I let it be.

Grief is healthy, but when it consumes us it is often because we don’t see life as god does.

For every momma that lost a baby, you cry all those tears, you throw all those vases at the wall, and you stomp those feet.. But,  just make sure when you’re done, you pick that crown up off the floor and you go make yourself some damn lemonade.

You survived the hardest trial you will ever face in this lifetime and you’re still going because thats what mommas do.

For all the angels gone to soon. You will never be forgotten about.

xoxo

Tasia- mommaduncan